Wake up in the middle of the night, motivated to do something, unable to rest until it's done? That's me tonight. It's about 2:30 a.m. and I thought I would write this entry. I would wait until tomorrow but I think I would chicken out. But if this helps one person understand then it was worth it.
I am recovering from severe depression and doing well.
I guess this post is my reaction to all those who have indicated that I should just "snap out of it".
For all those terrible people at the hospital who lied to me, took my things, locked me up and denied me basic things like soap and toothpaste.
I just think if I can help one person understand that I can no sooner cure myself of my depression by willing myself our of it than willing myself to stop being allergic to pollen.
I am great today though thanks to God and my family, my AMAZING, supportive family, my doctor, my friends, my dog oh and The Office!
I found a great description of depression that explains it well and I thought I would share it with you.
This excerpt is from the Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression by William J. Knaus
" I am depression. Cold like an arctic mist, I dampen your spirit and your soul. I fill your thoughts with gloom. When I am with you, you are but a withered leaf beneath wet snow with nowhere to go. Still, I can do much more. I can fill your mind with graveyard thoughts and make you teary. I can cause you to complain and bicker. I can make you feel uncertain. I can drain all pleasure from your life. I can drive laughter into the shadows. I can dig you into a hole so deep that you can't see the top. I can then overwhelm you with thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness, so you won't try to get out. For I am depression. I alone can control what you feel and do."
Really, that is just the beginning but I think it is a good description.
As with most difficult events in life there is something positive to be learned. I have learned not to judge others so much, so quickly or so confidently. To always use love and mercy before harsh judgment. To love other people despite how much I may despise or misunderstand their actions. Of course putting this into action will always be a work in progress.
Wow, do you see that I pointed out a positive!
This feels better, I am free from the shame and guilt I have felt for so long. I want to thank all of you out there who stuck by my and have always been there for me.
Thank you and goodnight!
I finally got around to thinning down and posting some of our animal adventures in from Mexico. Check out Asa's face when he is given a second ride by the dolphins. I love it! It dosen't show our free swim with the manatees who are so sweet and lovable. The stingray scared us!
This is the best Office fan video I have ever seen and there are many.
Also the office summer webisodes began last Thursday
I love Kevin!
Finally, if anyone wants to get me a gift in the future, I want these! I would also like someone to play them with!
http://www.clearspring.com/widgets/487423dde2f0ebc6